The ugly side of divorce. While I left because I needed to, and I am happier now than I have ever been. I am at peace. I am in control of me, my life, my happiness. I can honestly say that I am truly happy. I still lost things, people.
I lost a big extended family. I lost people I thought loved me for who I was.
I lost a mother in law that claimed to love me like a daughter.
That was the hardest hit I think. My mother and father in laws. They were there for me for my informative years. They were there for me during child births, birthdays, holidays, summer nights and winter game nights. I never realized how much I missed them until the holidays this year. I realized that they were a HUGE part. They were my go to people for questions on who to get what. My mother in law was my shopping partner. She was my baking partner. We did holiday crafts with the kids together.
Outside of the holidays, she was the person that I called for random advice, on everything.
I lost Aunts and Uncles, cousins, my cousins kids. What do I call them now? Have they moved into the friend zone? Well, no, not quite. In light of the divorce, they didn’t keep contact. Store run ins are awkward. Excuses for not keeping coffee dates, lunches, play dates with our kids. I quit trying to maintain, because, well, what is the point?
The facts of divorce are simple. You don’t get to keep the in-laws. They aren’t yours. They are given back the say the papers are signed. Sometimes, it sucks.
But I gained SO much. I gained an absolutely amazing family with my new relationship. I gained people with amazing hearts, that are so giving and loving that it really heals the losses. I gained kids, their kids, cousins, sisters, brothers, aunts and uncles. I am so blessed. Yes, the losses hurt. A lot. But being loved unconditionally, and knowing that no matter the outcome, these people will always be my family. It is amazing.
I learned to pray for those that I lost. I learned to be happy for them. To not let the hurt get to me. They are doing the best they can in their awkward situation. I can’t condemn them for it. I will still say “hi” in the grocery store. I will still comment on their Facebook posts, follow them on Instagram. I will still love them, because this is new for all of us. We are learning how to navigate through new terrain.